"Why am I still here?" Alec Baldwin contemplated suicide after fatal 'Rust' shooting, wife Hilaria Baldwin reveals

Washington [US], March 5 : Hilaria Baldwin has opened up about the deep emotional struggles her husband, Alec Baldwin, faced following the tragic on-set shooting that claimed the life of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins during the production of 'Rust' in 2021.
According to Hilaria, Alec even contemplated ending his life as he grappled with survivor's guilt and the aftermath of the incident.
According to E! News, in a recent conversation on the March 2 episode of The Baldwins, Hilaria revealed a heart-wrenching exchange between her and Alec that underscored the profound psychological toll the tragedy took on him.
"I found these text messages the other day between us," Hilaria shared with a friend, adding, "He said he wanted to kill himself."
Hilaria, mother of seven, explained that Alec's dark thoughts stemmed from the overwhelming burden of survivor's guilt he experienced after the tragic incident, which occurred when a live round was discharged from a prop gun in Alec's hand, fatally striking Hutchins.
The actor, now 66, was left to wrestle with the unthinkable loss.
"He wishes it were him," Hilaria continued, reflecting on the emotional pain Alec endured, adding, "He would change places in a second."
She also explained that Alec's mind often revisited the fateful day, and the incident continued to haunt him, taking a devastating toll on his mental and physical health.
As a result of the trauma, Alec began experiencing significant health issues, with Hilaria revealing that he "started having heart problems" and had been hospitalized multiple times, according to E! News.
She further disclosed that Alec had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in the wake of the shooting.
"Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline," Hilaria added during a February 23 episode of their reality show.
"He says in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'" she said.
Hilaria also shared the emotional weight Alec carried, feeling the pain not only of losing Hutchins but also of the immense impact the event had on his family.
Alec, who shares seven children with Hilaria, expressed deep concern for her well-being during this difficult time.
"I always feel more in pain about you than me," he told her on the show, adding, "I think what it's done to you and how much it's hurt you."
While Alec Baldwin's mental health has faced significant challenges, there has been some legal resolution, as well.
According to E! News, in July 2024, the involuntary manslaughter charges against Alec were dismissed after a judge determined that evidence had been withheld from the defense.
This was related to bullets believed to be tied to the shooting being filed under a different case number.
Following the dismissal, Alec took legal action by filing a civil lawsuit for malicious prosecution and civil rights violations, seeking justice in the aftermath of a traumatic and life-altering experience.